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okay, this is my great grandmother’s recipe. my mom showed me how to make it years ago. don’t fuck with it.

go buy whatever chicken parts you wanna eat.

buy peanut oil. moms won’t use anything else.

get some flour while you’re bullshittin’.

put that shit in a bowl of salt water, throw it in the fridge, and let it soak in it all night. plenty of salt, ya heard??

when the sun comes up and you get your narrow ass out of bed, go take a piss.

when you feel like it’s time to fire up the manimalism in you, get a big ass skillet. don’t use your cast iron, shit will burn it all up and you’ll be throwin’ it to the dogs next door.

put the peanut oil in it and let that shit heat up hott like the arizona summer. take a few drops of water and flick it in the pan. when it pops like a 9mm, it’s ready for some yardbird!!

get a ziplock baggie and put flour, salt and pepper in it.

take the chicken, rinse it off in cold water and put a piece in the bag, close it and shake it like a salt shaker. not only that, though, press the chicken into the flour so it’s completely covered, seen?

throw them shits in the pan on high to fairly high heat. let the bottom side brown a bit, not too much, though.

turn the pieces over and let that side brown.

the trick is in the flame. when both sides have browned, turn the flame down and COVER THE CHICKEN with the lid. this is very important in the process of dogtown chicken cooking.

check on it while getting crunk…turn it over a few times, scratch your ass, bob your head to the beat, turn it over, repeat.

when that shit looks like a tropicana tan, take the lid off and flame on like the human torch (turn that shit on high, dawg!)

turn it over a few more times until the manimal in you is about to burst out like the alien did sigourney weaver’s tum tum.

eat that shit like you’re in prison. hunch over it with one arm on the table guarding it. do NOT share.

save some for the next day, it’s even better cold.

i’ll kill men who come in-between me and it.