The Fucking Guacamole

Submitted by tinybadger on 2009-09-24 04:28:18

Appetizers

Vegan

 

Avocados
garlic
lemon or lime juice
salt
pepper
cumin
cayenne

What yer gonna do is get some avocados and the above ingredients. If you have 2 avocados, use two fat cloves of garlic + one clove. If you have six avocados, use 6 fat cloves of garlic + 2 cloves (at least!).

** Butchering avos is fast and easy once you know how, and this way makes it easy to mash up quick: grab the avo in your left hand (adjust if a leftie) and use a chef’s knife to sink in the flesh with the blade and rotate around the seed until you can cleave the fruit in two. You will have a half with the pit in and one without. Holding the half with the pit in, chuck your blade into the pit just a bit so it wedges in, then twist the knife to the side slightly until the pit is loose, then pull out the pit, still stuck on the blade. Discard the pit. Do this with all the pitted halves, then take a paring knife with a small blade and, holding the open avo halves in your hand, slip the knife tip into the flesh in a lattice-work pattern, starting with slicing it the long way as if making thin slices and then going perpendicular with your next slashes, making cubes while the flesh is still in the skin. Be careful not to slice through the skin and into your hand. Once this is done with all the halves, get a (preferably) large tablespoon. Use the spoon to scoop the avo cubes cleanly from the avo skin into a bowl. If there are any dark spots in the avo, try to scrape them out of your recipe, as they are bitter and unwanted, like Teabaggers. Ok**

Use the juice of about 1 lemon/lime for every 2-3 avos, a healthy sprinkling of ground cumin and cayenne and black pepper and salt to taste. Garlic, as stated above, is one clove for every avo, for a start. I usually use a bit more. Trust your tongue. Smush it all up together. Below are listed optional ingredients to make it more interesting.

Optional Ingredients to Make it More Interesting:

**finely chopped red onion (really any color onion, red is pretty)
**finely chopped green onion
**finely chopped fresh chili pepper or jalapeno
**finely chopped cilantro
**diced tomato
**lemon zest or orange zest
**chopped hard boiled egg

I tend towards the basic guac, but sometimes you wanna be complex and just wanna add something extra to make you feel like a goddamn Kitchen Picasso, you little bitch.
It’s great when you feel that way.

Comments

Left by livenudegirls — 2010-12-12 19:36:17

I just made some of this for lunch. Yum.

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